Fatigue.
Zzz… I seem to be falling asleep at any given moment over the last few days. I’m either totally exhausted or really quite bored! What ever it is, it’s annoying.
I guess what I’ve learned since I’ve been traveling up to the Marsden for treatments, scans and consultations - is that I’m really quite hard on myself. I push myself to the limit physically and mentally. I’ve realised recently that it’s OK to cry more and that I shouldn’t punish myself for feeling ‘out of sorts’. After all, my liver is coated in cancerous lesions - and they’re dotted about my lungs too. That’s pretty hard work for my body and I guess I underestimated how much they’d sap away at my energy levels. I try not to visualize it like this though…power of mind can be the perfect pick-me-up on an ‘off’ day. I know for a fact that the more I dwell on a physicality, the worse it feels.
I’m back to the hospital tomorrow for some more blood tests and another ‘micro-bubbles’ ultrasound. Sadly this will involve another insertion of a cannula. I have a HUGE yellow/black bruise on my left arm from last week, it’s super tender to touch. I won’t enjoy going through this again. I wince at the thought… Next week I’ll be having a CT and MRI scan as part of the trial protocol. This will give the docs some indication as to whether or not the drugs have had any effect on my cancer. I’m not getting my hopes up, I’ve never received good news about my disease. I remain realistic. But I’m trying to keep positive, as I do, in the hope that some kind of miracle is still waiting for me.
