All in a days work!
Firstly, Carla, my heart is with you today. I wish I had the words for you…but you know that I know. Lots of love to you beautiful lady x
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Thank you good friends who have been texting and emailing, I’m sorry it’s taking a while for me to get back to you individually. I haven’t been feeling too great over the last 24hrs. I’ve barely had any sleep which could be a contributor. In fact, I know it is because I can’t function properly today! My minds all over the place.
I’ve been at the hospital for 5 hours today. I had to have another ‘micro bubbles’ ultrasound so that the radiographer can image tumour activity for the drug company. This meant I had to have a chunky cannula stuck in my vein again - much to my dislike. So sore and uncomfortable. It has a 3 way tap for multiple syringes during the infusions. Joy. I’m really at my wits end with all the needles, every time the nurses make an attempt at a vein I wince and despite telling myself not to cry, a few tears always fall. I’ve been thinking about having another PICC line or a Port. But I’ve asked around today and it would seem that even with these easier methods of access for blood, the radiographer will always want a cannula for scans, and I will always need 2 vein access points during the drug infusion. One for blood collection, one for the treatment. This basically means I will always need a cannula for something. So is it worth having a PICC or Port? I’m not sure. I’d really rather not have either - if I have the strength to grin and bare things. I like to feel free of all ‘stuff’ medical when I’m at home and out and about.
When I struggle to sleep at night, I usually read or reply to emails! Last night, I sat up and typed and typed - an emotion filled rant. To nobody. Just me and a blank word document…which probably did me some good! Better than bottling it all up I suppose. Occasionally, I find myself feeling incensed by something I’ve heard someone say or something I’ve seen taking place, and it makes me question my positive approach to how I cope with my illness. If this makes any sense at all? Anyway, I thought I’d share a bit of it, because that’s an aspect of what this blogs about.
I’m just so irritated by those who feel it necessary to continuously moan about such insignificant trivia. It actually offends me. I appreciate I can’t force my perspective, but now and again I really do wish they could see…all the while there are so many suffering, just trying to get through another day.
I’ve toyed with whether or not it’s appropriate to get this off my chest - because in my mind, I always try to see both sides of the arugment. But I’m going to go with this being a healthy public display of emotion…because the annoyance I feel far outweighs the justifications I come up with for a persons closed minded behaviour.
Too much ranting? yawn? I dunno, sometimes it’s healthy I guess. Can’t be made of steel all the time.
In other news, the docs think I may have another UT infection. They found white blood cells in my urine, which doesn’t surprise me. I’ve been feeling slightly symptomatic of an infection which I commented on this morning, before we went to the hospital. I’m hoping it’s a false alarm. They should call me with the lab results within the next 24 hours… BUT, on a positive note, my excruciating shoulder pain has totally calmed down over the last 3/4 days. I’m usually walking around the house with a heat pack trying to ease the pain, and haven’t even taken any top-up pain relief for the last few days. I don’t want to jinx it! The docs believe it to be a referred pain from the cancer on my liver. I’m hoping these pain free days are a good sign… who knows! Nothing wrong with hoping though. That’s all for now, just another day of hard graft!
